Funny how being judged weighs so heavy in so many people… either some admit to this or some don’t. I’ve struggled with this all my life, some shake their heads and wonder why… but I can’t give a straight why… just it roots are huge and very destructive. Getting Cancer I didn’t know what really was going to be worse… them telling me I was needing to get a hole in my throat, the thoughts of losing my hair, the fact of living with something that I truly didn’t understand how I got and stage 4.. what a effin shock! I prayed a lot and came to terms with…. it is what is is… going to give it my best and be ok with how this ends no matter…. That helped me get this far… and fact the Doctors changed their minds and gave me chemo and radiation options.. i felt my prayers were answered in some ways… and the journey of beating this Cancer has started!! I honestly have to say I have the absolute best supportive Family and Friends you could ever ask for!!! My Family has came together and have been by my side rooting for me, even putting up with my adult mini tantrums… saying fu@k this and I am done… letting me vent and lash out and let me get back into Mandy I got this mode without a word. I am sure they all have bit their tongues VuT… (But.. said in German accent lol) I honestly haven’t been too bad. I somehow have been able to laugh lots and fake it till you make it less and less…. finding the more important things in my life, caring less what people are going to think and react!! Wanting a neck repair for my chicken gizzard skin, and then scrolling and buying things on line to stop myself from googling face lifts lol I definitely have my squirelette finest moments, and just thankful for my Family letting me process the many things I have felt, and standing by me! No judgement! Today I am Thankful for them and the strength they have lent me when I was lacking my own!!