One thing about waking up today, I felt on the skinny side, Lol… which is a Bonus…. Haha… Funny how thick you can look when swollen! It’s an itty frustrating to hear the side doctor ask if I have been eating and what types of food…. WTF… if I didn’t take it upon myself to try I would be still waiting!! You would think they would’ve mentioned that when my treatments stopped and wasn’t going down daily!! Jeeezzz Louie!! Well enough with the negative.. Lol… Fall is in the air… I am soo excited for my new Fall clothes that I ordered while in hospital and sick. Positive in the negative for sure!! Haha Started working out, feels good!! My ass needs more help than I kinda wana give lol… VuT… I am slowly starting on trying to get it not flat, but losing muscle it was looking like an upside down ice cream cone!! 😱 The struggle is real…!!! Lol…

My Dad asked if I was still smoking, and as embarrassing as it is to admit, I am. I can’t explain it, just everything has changed and so did my lifestyle even before I found out. I am still using it as my only crutch for mental escape!! It’s definitely not as if I haven’t tried and keep trying.. I have broke down over this as well, feeling weak that I can’t. I know the severity of this, sometimes I wonder if people don’t think that I haven’t thought of how bad this is and my treatment would of been 10x better if I quit! Lots of feelings weigh on me and yet I still am smoking and still trying! Some days are better than others, and some days I am proud of myself… being harped on only makes me wana light a smoke up. But I have gotten a little frustrated so going to try acupuncture, and also with the cold weather as I smoke outside, I am hoping this will be it! Happy Tuesday Lovey’s … Be Positive its a Choice….